Vindictive | Chapter 8

It’s been a week since the discovery of Glimmer's body and in those previous days, my life had never been so peaceful. Rue and I are doing a great job of keeping our mouths shut, same with Finnick. He promised he wouldn’t mention a word about what really happened that night to Thresh. Also, the tags Johanna did were a huge help for me. She actually made two; one is the exact replica and the other is for me to wear whenever Katniss or any of my friends are around. It wasn’t in the plan to enlighten her about our vengeance but Johanna has this kind of effect that makes a person feel trustful towards him. It’s like her eyes are speaking to you and you can’t help but sense that strong emotion. You can just spill your entire dirtiest secret and she promises to never tell a single soul.

Johanna also offered to be a part of the team. Finnick and I welcomed her but agreed to never inform Thresh about this, as telling him means revealing the whole truth. Rue had grown aware of the newest addition to our team as well.

I hear a knock and I yell for whomever that person is to come in. My door opens and Rue walks in, just in time to see me struggling with my black tie. She snickers before marching towards where I stand and takes control of the tie.

“You’re a guy, you’re supposed to know this.” She comments, as the end section of fabric shoots inside the hole she created and I feel her tightening it more than necessary.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Rue. Try not to kill me, will you?” I say. The thirteen-year-old only smiles in reply. “Anyway, I grew up being trained by my adoptive parents. We never really went out to parties so my dad didn’t had the chance to teach me.”

Rue nods, completely satisfied with my answer.

“How ‘bout you? Where did you learn how to do this?” I ask. I can’t honestly wrap my head around the fact that Rue mastered the skill before I do. My respect for this girl is augmenting every day.

She shrugs. “I always see my mom do it for my dad. I remember this one time I snuck up to my parents’ room and stole one of his ties. I practiced and practiced until I perfected it.” She explains. “That was before I knew ties are worn by men.”

“I see some girls wear them sometimes.”

“Yeah, if we’re dressing up as men.”

We both erupt into laughter after that, which immediately dies down to a chuckle. I turn to my mirror and study my reflection. I must admit since this is the first time I’m seeing myself in a suit and tie, I look good. I also gelled my hair up in a formal way.

From the mirror, I see Rue glancing at the clock and gasps. “You’re running a little late, Cato. You better leave now.” She informs and it’s my turn to look at the wall clock. She’s right. I’m at least ten minutes late.

“Did you tell Thresh where I’m going?” I question when both of us exit my room. I set aside the thought that I’m not setting a good example for Rue because I’m sprinting down the stairs, when it’s I who always remind her not to.

“I did.” She answers. “I told him you’re going to a school party. I can’t believe he fell for that. I mean, who hosts a school party at this time of day?”

“No one.” I bid her goodbye before going to the garage and picking a random key from the rack on the wall. I don’t mind if I got the old rusty truck’s key, I just need to be in the funeral as soon as possible.

* * *

The preacher already began the program when I arrive in a Range Rover (lucky man). He drones melancholy about how heartbreaking it is losing someone as special as Glimmer, which only triggers more sorrow for the family relatives that are able to come.

Mr. Belvill is being called to the podium to give a speech about his deceased daughter. He speaks of Glimmer's lost future and how she’s so young; the opportunities his daughter had yet to take, how much she has to live for. Teary eyed, he tells tales of Glimmer's childhood back when they were still a complete family and lastly, the many potential the blonde has but been wasted in a blink of an eye by one iron hearted man.

I feel a pang of guilt hearing Mr. Belvill’s pained words and sitting next to someone who treated Glimmer like his own family. If I can only turn back the time, I will revisit that night and did what I was supposed to do—anything to bring Glimmer back. Anything. If there is only a way to apologize about the unintentional debacle I caused in their lives without being punished, I will do it. But it’s a little too selfish of me to want to admit my fault but don’t want any comeuppance. It just isn’t fair. One way or another, whether I turn myself in or not, I will be rewarded with eternal hatred from the Belvills, evident or unbeknownst.

“Thank you all so much for coming here. I really appreciate it and I know Glimmer does too.” Mr. Belvill finishes his speech and returns back to his front row seat.

The funeral ends an hour after and the crowd slowly disperses. I stay behind with all my friends together with Mr. Belvill, who’s still hovering over his daughter’s grave. His eyes are tearing up and he seems like he wants to dig out Glimmer's casket and she will be miraculously alive. He wants her to be living as much as I do.

Mr. Belvill finally moves from his spot and walks his way to our group. He gives us all a nod and a tiresome smile. The bags under his eyes clearly indicate he’s not getting that much sleep lately. So have I.

“I guess I’ll be going.” He announces. “I really appreciate you all coming.”

Marvel bobs his head and rests a hand on the elder’s shoulder, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze. “Glimmer was one of our best friends. I’m pretty positive she wants us to come and make sure she’s wearing pink and fabulously groomed.” In this kind of occasion, joking is out of the picture. But that’s Marvel. His goofy quality is part of his nature.

The good outcome of it all is a smiling – a genuine one – Mr. Belvill. He even allows a heartfelt laugh. “I can’t blame you. That’s just how my daughter is: always have to look good. I guess she inherited a lot from her mother.” He says.

It isn’t long until Mr. Belvill finally says goodbye. We all watch as he gives us all a tiny wave before starting his ignition and drives away.

From the corner of my eye, I notice Katniss still looking at me with that same strong suspicion igniting in her eyes. To be honest, the fake tag didn’t lessen her doubtfulness. I know for a reason something is bothering her. Something about my ambiance worries her. I need to find out what that is. Soon.

“Cato, can I talk to you for a second?” Katniss inquires, walking to a more secluded part of the venue. I can’t help but sense the questioning look coming from the brunette’s boyfriend.

With one quick glance at Peeta, I trudge along to where Katniss stands. Her arms cross and an eyebrow quirk up when I reach her.

“Katniss—”

“Now you decided to show up with a tag?” She spits out almost with an angered tone.

“What?” I question incredulously. “I’ve been wearing my tag ever since I got it!”

“You weren’t wearing one when we went to investigate the combat room.” The brunette points out.

“Wait. Hold on. Are you saying that the tag is mine and I killed Glimmer?” I fight back the lump in my throat that is a pure proof that I’m lying.

“I did not mean it that way. I’m just…curious.” She admits. “I mean, you weren’t wearing your tag and suddenly showed up the following day wearing one. Doesn’t that sound suspicious to you?”

“So you’re saying that just because I wasn’t wearing mine and you found one inside Glimmer's combat room, I was the one who killed her?” I accost her, looking around trying to avoid Katniss's gaze.

“Like I said, Cato. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m accusing you. It’s just pure curiosity.” She says as she lowers her head in embarrassment.

I follow where her eyes are looking and I just realized she’s holding my original tag. I’m surprised she hasn’t turned it in to the police yet. But I’m glad she decided not to because if she’s clever enough to hand it to the officers and investigators, I shall soon be quite dead in spite of all.

I ask her why she hasn’t given up on the tag.

Katniss shrugs. “I want to do this on my own, Cato. I want to do it for Glimmer. I want to be that girl who gave justice to her friend.” She replies wholeheartedly.

Glimmer had done millions of good things to other people before, making you feel like you should be doing something nice too. You have that pull that tells you should be returning the favor even if the favor isn’t directly for you. Maybe that’s what Katniss feels like. Somewhere inside her urges her to do a kind act (not that she hasn’t before) to pay for what our blonde friend had done to her some time in the past.

“Katniss! Cato!” Annie calls out to us. The brunette and I turn around the same time. “We’re grabbing lunch together. Do you two want to come?”

As we make our way back to our group, Katniss and I acquiesce that our conversation is over.

“I can’t go, I’m sorry.” I say. I’m not really feeling like going anywhere today. I just want to go back to Thresh's house and indulge myself in the comforts of my bed as I curl myself into ball. I just want to have an alone time for me to be able to clear my thoughts.

Katniss notifies us that she’s free. After the seemingly endless goodbyes and hugs, the group departs, leaving me alone with Clove. Like I, she reasons she’s not in the mood and doesn’t feel like going to places with the group knowing Glimmer won’t be there.

“You should’ve come, you know?” I say. 

I don’t know where I find the courage to start a conversation with Clove. Lately, our relationship has been going smoothly. No fights, no glares, no usual scowls; just plain friendship. Of course, I’m still having a hard time gaining her trust, but she at least allows me to carry her books for her or walk her to her car. It’s those little things that matter.

Her hazel eyes stares into my blue ones and she lets out a small sigh. 

“I know, but…it just doesn’t seem right to me. I mean, how can I enjoy my time with my friends having the thought that I can’t share that happiness with Glimmer anymore? I know the time will come where I have to move on and accept the fact that she really is gone and won’t be coming back…but that day just seem so far. I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive, waiting for that one day in my life. I know I’ll have to start hanging out with my friends again sooner but I’ll always be aware that we are missing one person.

“Glimmer was one of the first few friends I had in Panem High. I still remember that day in tenth grade when I met her. I was in the bathroom fixing my makeup when she came in. She sees me struggling with my mascara and of course, Glimmer being the beauty guru that she is, offered to help me. She gave me a few tips as we gossip about random people. We weren’t really as popular as we are today back then. We’re just one of those outcasts, never getting the attention of the boys we liked. Always fantasizing about that cute boy from afar, wishing for him to turn around and smile at us. It just amazes me up ‘till now that we were complete strangers when we came in that bathroom and magically transformed into one of those inseparable best friends when we came out. That day was…it was one of the best things that happened in my life.”

Tears stream down Clove's face and her sobbing slowly intensifies. Before she can even reach her highest point, I engulf her small frame in my arms. I don’t know what has gotten into me because the newfound closeness we had seem so natural, like I’ve held Clove before. I know this is supposed to be really awkward but it’s not. My heart is hammering onto my chest and I’m afraid she will be able to hear it. But with her distressing situation, I think my beating heart will be the last thing on her mind.

After a moment, Clove pulls away and she wipes her tears with her sleeves. She sniffs before giving me a grateful look and I swear her cheeks are flushing red. I know she feels the same way I’m feeling about our closeness a while ago. Maybe she didn’t think of it as uncomfortable. Maybe she felt as natural as I am when we were engaged in an embrace.

“Thank you, Cato.” She whispers. “Thank you for being there for me. I know we weren’t the best of friends ever since you joined our group. I was arrogant and hardheaded but—”

“Clove,” I interfere. “It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I understand.”

She glances up at me, her hazel eyes shining with sheer happiness. “You do?” She asks.

I nod. “I really do understand. I just don’t know how to explain why.”

Clove wipes her face with her hands this time before giving me a smile. 

“Thank you again, Cato. You’re a really good friend.” 

I know it’s a tough job for her to say those words out loud because she is that kind of person that loves somebody but don’t do enough to show them. She says she loves them once and never repeats it again. I really appreciate everything that’s happening between us right now because this rarely transpires.

“You are too. Glimmer herself knows that.”

The second I say those words I regret it. Clove's smile immediately falters, her head bowing down and her eyes water once again. Although the tears don’t fall this time around, I know I triggered something inside her once more. During our conversation, I can tell I managed to take our deceased friend out of her mind even if it’s only for a couple of minutes. She was happy when we were conversing and I have to say those words and everything just crumbles down. Stupid Cato.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” I apologize.

Clove shakes her head, sniffing. “No, no. It’s fine. Besides, I know Glimmer would have said the same thing to you anyway.” She looks up and smiles.

I try to return the smile back only halfheartedly knowing that I hurt her again. The weight on her shoulders is slowly going away only to go back and weigh her down more. I tend to be really stupid sometimes.

“Hey.” I whisper to her, finally having an idea on how to lighten up Clove's grieving estate. “There’s a carnival tonight and I was thinking maybe you can join me.”

“I don’t know, Cato.”

“Please. Do this for Glimmer.” I plead. “Do this for you.”

She presses her lips together; pondering the offer I gave her. I know she just said she’s not in the mood to go anywhere knowing that Glimmer won’t be able to come with her anymore but sooner or later, like she said, she has to go out and carry on with her life. The black-haired girl let out a heavy sigh before looking straight into my eyes.

“Fine. I’ll go with you.” She announces.

“Great—”

“But,” Clove holds up her finger to interrupt me, “it’s not a date.”

The fact that the first thing that came to her was that I asked her on a date is enough to make me smirk and my heart tingle in a weird way. “If you say so. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Don’t be late.” She reminds as she turns to her heels and walks away, a huge smile plastered on her pretty face.

“I won’t.”