Vindictive | Chapter 9

6:59 PM

My heart pounds as I stand in front of the solid oak door, ready to press her doorbell the minute my wristwatch strikes seven. I really don’t understand why this is keeping me on tenterhooks. Thinking about it, there really is nothing to worry about tonight because this isn’t considered a date as Clove herself said. But somehow it feels like one. I haven’t really asked anyone to go out with me before so I don’t know how to act, to behave on a date. Shall I be impressive, romantic or just be myself and go with the flow? I don’t know.

It’s not a date.

An inner battle breaks out and I’m suddenly talking to myself. If Clove is behind this door the whole time, she must already be thinking how lunatic I am and will cancel the plan because she doesn’t want to go out with a psycho.

I shake my head to steer my thoughts away from the negativity that is slowly invading my thinking.

7:00 PM

I press her doorbell and a pleasant chime rings inside the whole house. Noticing the familiar black-haired girl peering out the window, I adjust the collar of my white polo shirt and makes sure my hair isn’t disheveled.

Clove opens the door and I just have to do a once-over. Usually, I see her wearing jeans or Capri’s to school so seeing her in a dress is new to me. I must admit, she looks entirely different and better this way.

I must’ve said it out loud because Clove looks at me with glinting eyes, like she’d been waiting for someone to tell her that and finally the moment comes. “You think so?” She asks, taking fistfuls of her floral summer dress in both them tiny hands and examines it as if doubtful she’s wearing an appealing outfit.

“Yeah. I think you should consider wearing dresses more often.” I suggest as we walk to my car. Lucky for me, I randomly picked an Audi.

Clove ignores my choice of vehicle and doesn’t even let me open the passenger’s door for her.

“I’m not that kind of girl, Cato.” She rolls her eyes once she sees my questioning look.

“Of course.” Muttering, I close her door shut and walks around the car to get to the driver’s side. 

Once I’m in and had started the ignition, Clove gives me a warm smile. I pull off from the curb and head to the carnival in the main event center of the Capitol.

* * *

I park the car on the nearest slot to the entrance I can find. Clove insists we can just park at the first spot we see but I reason that I’m not the biggest fan of walking around the parking lot trying to search for my car.

“I don’t get you sometimes.” Remarks Clove, snorting in a way that I surprisingly and uncommonly find adorable.

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to get used to it.” I reply as we disembark the vehicle almost in sync.

We walk side by side towards the entrance of the carnival, the other completely unaware of our close proximity. I try to banish the idea that Clove's shoulder is brushing against my bicep (she’s really short) and sends unwanted tingles through my arm and down my stomach. I never really experienced the butterflies on my stomach before so I’m not sure if that’s what I’m going through at this moment.

The sound of people screaming is the first thing I hear as Clove and I make our way to the closest ticket line. Shots and dings coming from booths with people trying their luck at various mini games, and often the music conflicting with the sounds from the other booths just across the way are enough to fill my ears. The crowd pass by us, trying to converse with their peers by yelling over the loud noise. Also, the hollers of stall owners competing to get people to visit their booths add to the clamorous chatters. By the time we reach the area dominated by food stalls, the different smells of food mixing together hangs around the atmosphere, though the strongest of them all is the scent of popcorn—freshly popped and delectably buttery.

We finally reach a less populated ticket booth and wait in line. Shamefully, this is my first time going to a carnival that is why the bright lights and loud colors continuously astound me. Clove smiles as she watches me glancing around and observing the variety of rides with their own respective intensity levels.

“You haven’t been to a carnival before, have you?” The petite girl beside me suddenly asks, taking me out of my astonished trance.

I just hope that these bright lights surrounding us will overpower the glowing shade of red creeping upon my cheeks. Embarrassed, I shake my head.

Clove laughs and I look down at her. Hearing her dwindles my shame because there’s something about her laughter that makes me feel like she’s not giggling because what I said is a laughing matter. There’s more to it.

“My friend,” she starts once her cracking dies down. “I’m proud to say you came here with the right person. I promise you, you’ll have the best night ever.”

It’s our turn to purchase tickets and of course, Clove insists she’ll buy with her own money. Being the gentleman that I am, I refuse. I pay for our tickets even before she can pull her wallet out of her purse. I absently grab her wrist whilst she keeps ranting on about how she’ll repay me for the money I spent on her.

“Clove,” I say, turning to face her. “It’s no big deal. Trust me.”

“I just don’t like owing someone.”

“But you won’t owe me anything. It’s fine.” I convince her, which hopefully will work. “Come on, prove to me that I really came with the right person tonight.”

With that, Clove smirks. She grabs my wrist this time and takes off running to a random direction. Perhaps she already knows where she’s going but…come on, it’s Clove! She can be the most unpredictable person in the world. You never know what you’ll be in for next.

* * *

“I can’t do it captain. I don’t have the power.”

Clove's first choice for tonight is a ride called Tidal Wave. It’s a giant swinging boat ride where she warns that I will experience a “feeling of weightlessness as the boat reaches its true vertical position.” I don’t think if she’s being oblivious to it or she’s making me feel ten times worse by telling stories of how Madge and the rest of the group vomits after the ride.

She snorts as she chooses the spot at the very back of the boat and we settle down, waiting for the ride to start. “Oh, Cato. Stop being a wuss and man up. You can do this.” Clove tells me as she unconsciously scoots closer, closing the minimal gap between us.

Suddenly, a voice from the intercom notifies us that the ride will be starting in five seconds. All impatient riders count down and I can’t help but smile as I hear Clove joining in the chant as well.

One.

The boat starts moving back and forth and every time our side is at the top, my stomach churns and I’m already feeling a little woozy and lightheaded. Screaming, I feel the boat drop and suddenly we’re laying down looking up at the starry night sky. I take a quick glance at Clove and the nauseous feeling abruptly fleets away noticing how joyous she looks right now. The death of Glimmer now resides at the very back of her head as the boat swings back and forth. Our blonde friend had actually been forgotten.

The whole duration lasts for almost five minutes and I’ve never been happier in my life now that it’s over. Although it vanished for the last minutes of the ride, the squeamish feeling in my stomach decides to make its comeback. I wrap a hand over my torso and Clove notices.

“Are you okay?” She questions, holding onto my shoulder for she is quite dizzy as I am too.

I shake my head. There’s no point in denying now that my condition and palely skin is evidence enough that I’m not feeling well. “That ride…it’s…don’t take me back there.” I mutter.

Clove chortles. “Ha! You’re just like everyone else in the group.” She announces as I urge her to resume walking. Seeing that I’m not in a good estate, she takes advantage of it and purchases me a bottle of water.

“Clove…”

“Just drink it, Cato.” She orders with such authority in her tone of voice and I can’t help but obey.

As I chug down the clear liquid, Clove watches me. Albeit her eyes are trained on me, her mind is somewhere else, somewhere far away. For a while, I feel defeated because I had one job—to take her away from her worries even just for a day and I failed to do it. Her expression is blank the whole time and when she senses me looking at her, she immediately grins.

“Something bothering you?” I ask.

She shakes her head as she puts up a forced smile. “No, no. I’m totally fine.” She replies. “Do you want to do something? Now that I dragged you into one of my favorite rides, it’s your turn to pick.”

I rub my chin in thought. As mentioned, I haven’t been to a carnival before so I don’t know the kind of rides they have here. But a while ago when Clove and I were walking towards Tidal Wave, a few rides had caught my eye. I want to suggest one of them but since I’m still a bit queasy, I’ll put those rides on queue.

“How ‘bout we try to play those mini games until I can stomach another ride? Does that sound good to you?” I suggest looking at Clove with hopeful eyes.

“Of course. Come on, time for me to beat your ass.”

* * *

The moment Clove sees the black and white stuffed stallion she wants it immediately. She grabs my wrist, which unintentionally slides down, and she ends up holding my hand instead. My heart becomes a professional gymnastic as my butterfly captives escape yet again inside my stomach. The feeling of Clove's hand on mine is something I have never felt before. The softness of her flawless skin contrasts the roughness and callousness of my own.

We reach the booth and Clove still hasn’t let go of my hand. It’s not that it bothers me. I like it very much, honestly. I don’t want her to let go and I just hope the feeling’s mutual.

“Cato, can you win me that stallion please?” Clove requests as she pouts like a little girl, which, by the way, is very unlike her.

“What happened to kicking my ass?” I tease.

“Please.” Normally, puppy eyes don’t work for me but with her, it’s just different. I feel myself giving in almost straightaway.

I signal the man in charge of the stall that I want to win the big stallion. He smirks at me before sending a warning how it’s almost impossible to get it. Many have tried but none succeeded. I can’t believe this man is underestimating my preciseness and actually thinks I’m one of those previous failures. I’ll show this old man what I can do. I’ll be his best customer yet.

“Three tries are all you have. You don’t get at least two, you lose.” He says before handing me three darts.

The main goal of the game is to try to hit at least two water balloons to win the biggest prize, which is the stallion that Clove is eager to have. The catch though, the wall will be shaking the whole time.

I scoff to myself, giving Clove a quick side-glance before positioning my first dart in its best angle. The wall starts to shake and for a second, it occurs to me that this game is impossible and that I really don’t stand a chance. But I won’t back down. I’m not only doing this for Clove anymore, I need to show this man that I can do it and that I’m not a coward.

My first shot is a total miss and I almost attack the old man as he’s smirking at me, already knowing I’m going to be one those failures that he used to have. His chuckle only serves as a motivation for me to show off more.

Squinting my eyes, I align the dart on my chosen water balloon. The wall shakes for the second time and without even thinking, I take my shot. It’s a near miss but at least I got one.

The balloon pops and water spurts out.

“Pure luck.” The old man mutters.

One more and I’ll be able to satisfy Clove with the black and white stallion. I take the same position I was in when I successfully hit my first balloon, and get ready to throw the dart any time. The man intensifies the shaking and suddenly, the whole game becomes challenging. It’s hard to predict when your chosen balloon will reach the point where your angle is. I lick my lips, heart throbbing as I throw my last dart, my last chance to win.

I hear a thud as the dart hit the wall. The man smirks as I look at Clove and her hopefulness falters, her radiant smile nonexistent.

“I’m sorry, Clove. I tried.” I say as we turn to our heels and walk away.

We haven’t even gotten that far yet when I hear the old man calling out to us.

“Wait, come back here!” He yells.

Clove and I look at each in confusion but decide to follow his instruction. We head back and the moment we reach the booth; a blue balloon starts leaking with water. No one else tried the game after us so I’m pretty sure that balloon is from my session.

“You’re lucky, kid.” The old man remarks as he reaches for the stallion and hands it to Clove. “Your girlfriend should be proud of you.”

Winking, he turns his back to us and prepares another set of balloons for the next person who will try to win the event.

Ever since the old fellow said that, the atmosphere around us suddenly becomes awkward. I know we’ve been acting like a couple the whole time we’re here but that doesn’t mean that we are. Just because a girl and a boy are spending time together, doesn’t mean they are lovers. What if they’re just friends? Let them think what they want to think, but Clove and I are just friends. Nothing more.

* * *

After that awkward moment caused by the annoying old man, Clove suggests we rest for a while and grab a bite. Both of us come to the agreement of having two hotdog sandwiches and small cups of frozen yogurt. We score an empty spot in a more secluded part of the carnival and decide to settle there. Sitting down on the grass, I hand Clove her sandwich and yogurt.

“This is really nice.” She comments, unwrapping her sandwich.

“What is?”

“This.” Clove answers. “I’m glad I accepted your offer of taking me to this carnival.”

I smile at her. “Me too.”

She keeps quiet after that just enjoying her sandwich and yogurt. Being here with her alone under the moonlit sky is a completely different world for me. I feel like I can just be myself. I don’t have to pretend to be tough and highly intellectual just like when I am with Thresh or Finnick. I don’t have to always keep an eye on Rue trying to see if she’s up to something mischievous. To be honest, the whole time I’m at the carnival with Clove, I actually forget that she’s Brutus's daughter. I forget about my desire to seek revenge.

Sitting here with her, I’m just Cato. Not a different person, but just myself.

“What’re you thinking?” Clove suddenly interrupts my thoughts.

“Nothing.” I shake my head as I spoon a small amount of frozen yogurt.

“Do you remember that first time we met?” Clove questions, putting her yogurt down on the grass and face me entirely.

“What about it?”

She shrugs. “I just remembered you mentioning you were originally from District 2 and I guess it just stuck to my head. I’ve actually been meaning to ask you about it but never had the chance to.” Clove rambles on.

I’m not really sure if I’m ready to open up to Clove about my past. I don’t know how to tell her without my story leading up to me seeking revenge and using her as a threat to her own father. I end up telling her anyway, but promises to remind myself to choose my words carefully.

I start to recount the night of my sixth birthday, about that last dinner I had and the last movie I watched with my parents; how my father’s truck was under repair and the cab fares were unbelievably pricy that time so we decided to walk to the movie theater; how my father took us to this shortcut up to the point where they were murdered.

“I figured that all they wanted dead was my parents but what’s the use of being alive if the reason you are still breathing is gone?” I pause my story to take in a deep breath as reliving that night makes my heart bleed and causes for me to suffer something similar to asphyxia.

“But just as I was getting hopeless,” I start once again, “I saw a couple walking through the same alley I was in and they saw me and my parents. They were Ryan and Savannah Liv. They helped me take my parents to the hospital and they stayed by my side the whole time, treating me like I’m their own child. I was taken to a foster care but it wasn’t long before a couple adopted me. It turned out, that couple was Ryan and Savannah. They explained how they can’t have a child and decided to please themselves by adopting. I was their first choice so I was grateful.

“You would think just because I have new parents mean I could finally have my happy ever after. Well, you thought wrong. It is then I realized that every rainbow has its storm. Despite my new amazing life, I developed a terrible case of hallucinations and nightmares. They were so terrifying that I kept a weapon of some sort beside me the whole time. And then one night, everything just fell apart. I was having a terrible nightmare that I kept screaming until Savannah came into my room and woke me up. But she wasn’t whom I saw when I opened my eyes, I saw her as one of the killers and I…I accidentally stabbed her to death.”

I think that once I say those words, Clove will run away and call me a murderer, but I’m surprised when she scoots next to me and wraps her arms around my torso in a sideway embrace. Her warmth helps me diminish my pain but it’s not enough. The only thing that will heal my broken heart is for my parents to be alive again. I just want them to be by my side in times of need. But I have to face reality—they won’t be coming back…forever.

“I’m sorry.” Clove apologizes. “This is all my fault. I brought it up and I never should’ve.”

I shake my head. “No. Don’t blame yourself.”

“If I had known that talking about your parents is hard for you, I shouldn’t have even talked about it in the first place.”

“But you didn’t, so it’s fine.” I reassure her. “Besides, it’s healthy to talk about something you’ve been carrying on your shoulder once in a while right?”

Clove gives me a weak smile. We dispose our garbage before agreeing that we should head home. When we arrive at the parking lot, the petite girl grabs my hand causing for me to stop walking.

“Cato.” She says. “Is it okay if we drive to District 2 tonight? I promise, it won’t take long.”

“Why?”

“I just want to…uh, visit someone.”

I don’t know whom she’s going to be visiting but I remember how her hard glare softens the first time I mentioned the name of the small town in front of her. It intrigues me back then and it still does up until now. I agree to her request and we head to my car.

* * *

“Cato, I want you to meet my mom.”

Clove gestures at the grave in front of us before turning to smile at me. It turns out; she wanted to go to District 2's cemetery to visit her mother that I didn’t know was already gone. I suddenly feel special. Clove paying her mom a visit to introduce me to her is like saying she already trust me. Sooner or later, she’ll open up as well. She’s finally taking down her walls to let me in.

Crazy thing is, her mom’s grave is five tombstones away from my parents. I told Clove about this when we came in and she laughed, saying how big of a coincidence it was.

I give a little wave to her mom’s gravestone and smiles. “Hi, Clove's mom. I’m Cato, your daughter’s bodyguard.”

Clove snorts and gives me a frolicsome push. “Her name’s Victoria. It suits her very well.”

I give her a nod. I really wish I met her mother before she died. I’m pretty sure she’s as much of a darling as Clove, with same long black hair, hazel eyes and those freckles that are so faint you won’t even know she has it. Basically, how I picture Victoria is a more mature Clove.

“I never really had the chance to meet her, you know?” Clove's gaze looks up and she smiles weakly. “I was still an infant when she died.”

“How did she…?” I purposely leave the sentence hanging.

“She passed away giving birth to me.” Clove answers plainly. “I was the most affected one even though I was so innocent when she died. My dad…it never affected him that much. He’s still business as usual. In fact, I don’t think he even remembers having a daughter.”

“Why are you saying that?” I ask.

“He’s never home, Cato. I don’t know what’s keeping him busy. He never tells me about his job that’s why every time someone asks me what my dad does for a living; I’ll just make up an occupation.” She explains. “He must be a billionaire by now, with all those jobs I keep on giving him.”

“I’m really sorry.” 

I truly am. I never knew Clove doesn’t have an idea about her father’s wrongdoings. She has no clue that he’s a syndicate and that he was the one who killed my parents. Heck, she doesn’t even know that douche bag she calls a father is in prison right now. I suddenly have this weird feeling in my stomach—guilt. I’m seeking revenge at a girl who doesn’t even know about her father’s cruelness.

“Don’t be.” Clove responds. “You didn’t bring this up, I did.”

I jounce my head as I pull Clove into another embrace. This time, it really feels natural. It’s not awkward anymore, just us hugging…as friends, because like I said, there’s nothing more.

“Now you know why I will always have a soft spot for District 2.” Clove blurts out. “This is where my mom died and I grew up here until my dad took me with him here at the Capitol.”

“Well, I think I just found one thing we have in common.” I whisper against her hair.

We stay like that for a moment with my arms wrap around Clove's small and fragile frame and her sobbing quietly onto my chest. She might have thought I won’t be able to know that but it’s hard not to hear it. We’re the only ones in the cemetery and the only sounds we can hear are the crickets and a few hoots from the owls.

Finally, she suggests we go home. As we make our way back to my car, I feel a dainty hand slip its fingers into mine. I hold onto it and give her hand a gentle squeeze, never wanting to let go anytime soon.